We are having some boundary issues in our home. I have been examining my part in all of it.
The issues seem small but become very big. Things like we have 10 hairbrushes and no one can find one and they know I always keep one on my dresser so they take it and the its not there when i want it.
I have a craft room and I am meticulous about my supplies which are expensive and hard to organize. Kids feel like making a card and I go in and tops left off markers and they are ruined.. supplies every where.
I can’t find my deodorant and it got taken to a sleep over and left behind, I have some fairly expensive make up and is also disappears.
Kids bake something because I have just spent half hour cleaning kitchen and looks like bomb went off.
All of the above happens and this is not what bothers me so much- its the attitude I get when I mention it. Shrug of shoulders or “go buy a new one” which escalates.
Here is my take on it. I have been a radical unschooling for almost 11 years. I am going to be honest and say I don’t think it is working for me anymore. I have written about my marriage jumping off the rails and I have been reflecting back on some of the things I would do differently.
Maybe I have been “unschooling wrong” .
I don’t “make” my kids so chores and I don’t worry about the state of the house It has always felt beneath me. As a result we have been living in CHAOS and I think it has undermined the fabric of our family. I am not looking for perfection or even a TIDY house. I mean we are late for things because I can’t find socks or my keys got put somewhere or my son doesn’t know where his game boy is… etc.
My husband feels crappy because he works hard all day to pay for our hoe and comes home and there is jam on the walls.
The “old” me would have been- hey they had fun smearing jam on the walls – whats the big deal- but it IS bothering me know. I don’t know why the paradigm shift.
Maybe its because as the kids get older I am seeing a total lack of regard for “stuff”… and it filters to not just there stuff but mys stuff and other people stuff if that makes sense.
I have done my kids a disservice. I have let chaos win. Putting off things and procrastination has made everything an emergency . I have shown a lack of respect to my life and the”business of life” and they maybe are picking up on it?
As part if getting our marriage back on track we have been dealing with “crap”. Al the crap that we have avoided because it wasn’t fun. Like house repairs or taking care of a forgotten bill. In short we are owning up and dealing with the consequences of our actions.
Maybe the The kids have sort of been dragged along and there were never boundaries and now there are. I have never believed in punishments but I honestly have been re-thinking that concept. The other day when my craft area was left a disaster I had her clean he mess up but also sweep and wash the floor . My girlfriend is also an unschooling and she is trying to convince me that this wasn’t a punishment but “consequences” – Just feels like semantics to me.
It could also be that I never had stuff that my daughter thought was appealing and now she does. I did take here out and buy her own make up- but mine still seems more appealing
I feel like my kids take the easy road and short cuts to instant gratification and I have taught them this and not sure where to go from here.
This post is a but rambling and iut of a stream of consciousness thing going on… I apologize!
I am going to talk with kids over the week about some of the change in our home- like the fact that life will be easier for us if there is some “order” .